Friday, May 27, 2011

The beating heart gets his angel wings....

Most of you already know by now from word of mouth or Facebook but
We are both sadden and joyed to tell that our sweet sweet BEAUTIFUL baby boy has made is final journey into the arms of our Lord :(

I know it has been 17days since our last blog post so I will backtrack for a minute here so you can follow better, I'd say understand but we am still struggling with that one.
The Monday before this past (16th) We had our weekly routine u/s and the Fluid was still 1.1...VERY low. The heartbeat still strong as ever. It was actually a nice visit were the Dr and I had a nice talk maybe even an understanding. I had made it clear from the beginning that I was in it for the long haul ..no matter what that entailed. That while he had a heartbeat I would carry him until the Lord took him. And just like the rest of us we didnt know when that would happen or how.
We talked about me doing a little more since bed rest wasnt helping (3weeks of fluid being in the 1's was not a good sign)

So we went home and decided to ENJOY him while he was kicking. We went to the ice cream shop as a family. On Friday it was a beautiful day so I took my TWO kids to the park we enjoyed the sunshine for a change (rain sucks)
On Saturday I woke up to find I had been spotting. I called my OB and she said unless I was having pain or contractions some spotting was normal.
At Midnight I went to go to bed and told Chris I "thought" I was having contractions and they were exactly an hour apart. By 7am I had woken up to find those pains I thought were contractions were now 15mins apart.
So in the car and on the way to the Hospital we went.
By the time we got there my contractions were now very strong (damn painful lol) and where now only 2-3mins apart. They checked me and I was almost 5CM dilated. There was talk of trying to stop the contractions for steroids and it was decided that his little body and heart probably wouldnt handle that and his chance of being born still was greater
They rushed me off to Labor and Delivery where I received my epidural immediately.
We waited for the NICU to pull all our files from Childrens Hosp and the last U/S scans from the Seton center. They came to talk to us We all decided as a group that he would not be vented right away. Chris and I did NOT want a machine keeping him alive. The plan was if he was still going strong after 1hr on his own he would be rushed away then and all efforts to assist would be made.


At 5:56 Pm Korbin Matthew Soldano entered this world at 3lbs 4.2Oz, 14 1/4 inches long, DARK curly hair, and the bluest eyes I have ever seen. He never did take a breath although he tried with all his might and a little under an hour he was received in the hands of God!
In that hour (and even the hours after) he was surrounded by more love than some people feel in their whole life time.
We prayed to God for the chance to hold our sweet baby and whisper I loved you..he heard our cries and ANSWERED.

Kayla could NOT stop kissing him. Korbin also had an adorable tiny extra thumb which Kayla was AMAZED over and jealous b/c he has 6 fingers and she had 5. He lived only an hour and still managed to cause sibling jealousy.

Pastor Kathy came (THANK YOU) and baptized him it was beautiful.


The out pour of support and prayers has been more than overwhelming and we are ever so grateful.
I would be lying if I didnt say I held on to every ounce of HOPE until his heart took its last beats. But I also have comfort in the knowledge that he is with a greater power. Someone said to Chris and I that "he is in Great hands" I would like to think he would have been in "great" hands here with us.
Although I do not understand it I know there was a greater purpose for my son and we do know he is in GOOD HANDS!!

Again Thank you EVERYONE for your prayers, SUPPORT, gifts, cards, Meals, house cleaning, yard work, help with Kayla Donations...the list of help goes on and on
We feel truly blessed to have each and everyone of you
God Bless you all !!





1 Corinthians 13

If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

3 comments:

  1. You are such a beautiful person Tonya. I love that Korbin made such an impact in his short time on earth. He will forever be an inspiration and story of hope, love and miracles. I am so sorry for your loss, you have handled it with such grace <3

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  2. Tonya - If I could just take away an ounce of your pain, I would. I don't know that there are enough words for me to express just how proud I am of you. You fought so hard for Korbin - you did everything, within your power, for those precious 45 minutes. You loved, you sacrificed, you cried, you gave your whole being, for that precious, little guy. You never gave up who you are - you stuck to your morals and values. You prayed and had faith, no matter the hits that you kept taking. You are the epitome of what a mom was created to be and Korbin was blessed to be loved by you, Chris and Kayla - not just in that room, but for eternity. I am so sorry for your loss. However, I have no doubts that Korbin will always be with God AND with you, his mama.

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  3. just found your blog. i am so sorry for your loss of sweet korbin. thank you for sharing him with us. he is precious!

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