Bringing home baby...Not!

So 4wks ago We left the hospital without our baby. For anyone who has experienced this my heart goes out to you. It is by far one of the worst things I have been through.
Being wheeled out of labor and delivery in a wheelchair , holding no baby. Past the maternity desk where the same nurse who checked you in just 24hrs before is still sitting. Sitting in the lobby waiting for your husband to pull the van up b/c there is already a mom and her newborn sitting outside waiting for their car.
Dreading the WHOLE ride home the first time you have to enter your home with the huge emptiness. Crying under your sunglasses as you sit there waiting. Asking to stop for ice cream to stall the inevitable.
Its a feeling I wish on NO ONE. I could never describe that panic and pain.

I will never forget it though b/c instead of having the emotional breakdown I was visioning in that car ride. We pulled up where we had to do a double take b/c someone had mowed our lawn. How nice we thought. Then we notice not only was it mowed but flowers had been planted and new mulch laid.
On top of that surprise my Mother, My Brother Bryan and his family were all sitting on the porch waiting for us with open arms. It was so nice to have them their for s SPLIT second entering the home I didnt feel sadness but welcoming love.
I dont think they will ever know how they saved me from a mental breakdown, and I thank god for that.

Recently people have commented on how well I look , or seem to be doing.
We have been keeping so busy I havent had time to keep up, meet up with friends or even think really...which isnt such a bad thing. I mean I am SAD, very sad inside but I HAVE to carry on I have Kayla. I cant spend my whole life moping around feeling sorry for myself it just wouldnt be productive.
There are also MANY people on my mind and prayers that keep me going too.
I thank god everyday for the blessings in my life...and I have MANY.