and today was.....

All and All it was a good day for me. I know Chris struggled a bit :(
I did have Kayla with me most the day and most of the time you cant help but laugh or smile at the stuff that comes out of that kids mouth :)


This afternoon Kayla and I went and bought a fresh bouquet to put on his grave and her and I just sat on the bench by his grave. It felt like 15mins we both just sat there quite..and for those of you that know Kayla that was a BIG DEAL!!!
She said mommy I really miss him. I said I know honey but someday soon we will see him again. She said I know mom like when I am a teenager.. I instantly FREAKED and said Kayla how could you say something like that I dont want you to die as a teenager...
she said ... (in her matter of fact voice) Mom I mean when I am a teenager and I can come here to visit all by myself...
Awe my heart sank she meant when she gets to drive she would go visit how sweet

We had family over for Dinner and just hung around. We had a cookie cake Kayla insisted and we sang and Kayla blew out a candle..she also insisted.
Some people might think that is weird. Actually I was one of those people. I had a friend in high school and I remember being at her house once when it was her brothers birthday(who had died) and hey had cake and sang happy birthday to him. I remember thinking how WEIRD that was and wondering if something was mentally wrong with them..I was young and I just DIDNT get it. I do now. To that friend if you are reading and know who you are I am truly, truly sorry for ever having those thoughts.

I didnt cry at all today. It was odd at times I wanted too but I just felt so peaceful. Maybe it was the over pour of support and prayers.
It was amazing and I felt it and used it.
Thank you everyone for the kind words and support it really means a lot.